In investigating a future blog, I started thinking, in my typical psychosexual way, which superhero would I want a sexual encounter/relationship with.  Being the girl that I am, I analyzed the pros, cons, and everything in between. 

My findings are as follows:

Superman

Superman is the ultimate superhero.  You cant even mention comics or superheroes without Superman coming to the forefront.  Now, granted he is an alien, he still appears to be the perfect male specimen.  Jet black hair and bright blue eyes accompany rippling muscles.  He is obviously tall, in shape and fit as a fiddle.  As long as there is no Kryptonite in your bedroom, he seems like he could prove to be an out-of-this-world bedpartner.  He is the "Man of Steel" after all.  Known as the "big blue Boyscout" you know his priorities are in line and his moral integrity nothing but honorable.  Translation, you can bring this one home to Mommy and Daddy and receive their blessing.

The downside?  While his mission is admirable, it definitely shoots you right down on the priority ladder.  I mean, with the world to save, nookie with you isn't bound to be on the top of his To-Do list.  Also, being such a hunk, I'd hope you aren't the jealous type.  This All-American boy from Kansas by day and Superhero by night has got women such as Lois Lane following him around just waiting for an opportunity.  This double-life also allows for Clark Kent to have a completely different life and family outside of your superhero-related escapades.

Final con- He is known to be "faster than a speeding bullet."  Take that as you will.

 

Batman

        

While some argue the validity of calling Batman a "superhero" my loyalty to this dark knight has never wavered.  In my book, and for the sake of this blog, we will put Batman on the Superhero List.  Batman, otherwise known as Bruce Wayne, is a billionaire with a head full of bats and a heart full of ambiguity and issues.  Certainly the darkest and most dynamic of heroes, I love him because he is unconventional and real.  He is a tortured man with a lost soul.  If you read my previous blog about Florence Nightingale Syndrome, ("What Is It That Draws Us To Each Other?"), you already know that this guy is right up my ally!  He trumps Superman for me, no question. 

What are his pros?  He is brilliant, complex and a little angry.  This would make for passionate and aggressive love-making.  He has a stable home, a kick-ass car, a butler and a mansion.  The man's got money, hunny.  He could provide financial stability, even if the emotional stability is called into question.  If you like a project man, this is your guy.  From a psychological standpoint, this man will never be dull.  Also, given his inability to trust others and let them in, once he does open up to you, he will probably be devoted to you for life.

Cons? As mentioned before, this man is not for beginners.  He is moody, angry and peculiar.  One must tread softly around this bat-minded billionaire.  Fairly cold and unemotional, you couldn't expect to get much outright affection or compassion.  He is independent and likes his privacy.  He has reclusive tendencies and would probably disappear for days on end.  He is also known, when in Bruce Wayne attire, to be a playboy.  He is known to date a different model or socialite every week.  Also, as mentioned above, THE MAN HAS ISSUES!  He is certainly not for the faint of heart.  There is also the matter of the Vigilante issue.  He is a wanted man, as Batman, so if you plan on a midnight adventure in the Batmobile, be prepared for some unwelcome law-enforcement intrusion.

Sidenote: His relationship with Robin can be a little suspicious, no?

Spider-Man

              

Spider-Man, aka Peter Parker, is probably the youngest of the popular superheroes.  Said to be a high school student, he got infected by a radioactive spider, thus giving him his superpowers.  Being a teenaged superhero has its perks.  He is at his sexual peak.  With his agility, superstrength and adolescent hormones, your sex life is sure to never have a dull moment.  Also, with his web-slinging ability you are sure to have some fun in the bondage department!  A boy next door, this "friendly neighborhood" hero can be brought home for Christmas dinner.  His wholesome, clean cut nature is sure to impress your folks.  He is also unlike any previous teenage superhero in that he is a self-made hero.  He was not taken under the wing of any older, more experienced superhero.  He learned it all on his own.  That, in my opinion, is impressive. 

The downside of this arachnid-esc do-gooder is that he is just a kid.  Still lacking maturity, he is prone to adolescent moods and naivete.  He is also impressionable, so I would watch out for that Mary Jane Watson if I were you.  Also, another curse of his youth, is that he is not financially stable.  He is a freelance photographer, and not a very well-respected one at that.  As Spider-Man, similar to Batman, people don't know whether to love him or hate him.  Granted he doesn't have the same vigilante issues as the Caped Crusader, Spider-Man has a good deal of negative press so as his woman, you better have thick skin or else you'll blow his cover trying to defend him from slander (this is why it would never work between me and Spidey).  Finally, as with any superhero, he is always on the go.  He may miss the birth of your first child due to a kitten being stuck in a tree.

Final Thought: He shoots that white, sticky webbing pretty far and in abundance...makes you wonder what other shootable substances he could shoot with enough force to make a pretty big mess.

Now On To The Ladies!

I couldn't write about sexy superheroes without including my 2 favorite sensual sweeties who happen to be female.

Wonder Woman

                                   

Wonder Woman is an Amazon Princess who has devoted her life to spreading the message of the Amazon's.  This message includes love, peace and sexual equality.  She is the ultimate women's libber.  She is strong, capable, confident and absolutely stunning.  I happen to love her because she breaks convention and almost all female stereotypes.  At supermodel height, she has black hair, bright blue eyes and porcelain skin that is to die for.  A dominant, powerful woman, it is hard for me to imagine anyone NOT finding her sexy.  She is intelligent and agile which could lead to some creativity in the bedroom and if you like to be dominated, this is your lady.  I, myself, have often thought about the enjoyable employment of her Lasso of Truth.  I don't know if she will let you tie her up when she is done with you, but you never know!  Being an Amazon princess, you know she has financial security, should she ever reclaim her thrown.  She also has a sweet ride (her invisible plane).  She is known for being able to communicate with animals and thus has an animal-like cunning and instinct-RAWR, need I say more?

The downside of Wonder Woman?  She is definitely a strong woman.  If intensity scares you, this woman is not for you.  She is not a conventional woman.  You will not find too many vulnerabilities in this woman.  She is known for holding her own against the toughest guys out there, so I wouldn't expect her to be very domestic.  Speaking of tough guys, if you are even remotely insecure, I wouldn't pursue an affair with this wonder woman.  Amazons were known for their aggressive sexual prowess and she hangs with a lot of hot dudes...and chicks for that matter.  You never can tell with those Amazons.

 

Catwoman

I had to throw Catwoman, aka Serena Kyle, in here because she is my absolute favorite comic book character of all time.  In my opinion, this feline femme fatale is the sexiest thing walking.  She even takes the cake from Batman for me. A darker, more disturbed vigilante vixen, she has a vulnerability that is unmatched by any other "superhero".  I feel justified in calling Catwoman a superhero because there have been many times that she has fought alongside Batman and other superheroes on the side of good.  In my research for the future blog I mentioned above, she is the only "supervillain" that is categorized as both hero and villain with "compassion" noted under her strengths. 

Onto the good stuff, Catwoman is a sexual goddess.  Kinky, complete with leather and whip, she is up for anything.  Her vulnerability comforts me into knowing that she would be capable of tender love-making as well as hot animal sex.  She is flexible and agile, making for fun acrobatics and bedroom antics.  Intelligent and beautiful, she would be stimulating in and out of the bedroom.  She was created to add sex appeal to the Batman comics.  She was also created to give female readers an accessible "female Batman".  She both antagonizes and attracts.  She is dynamic and dark.  Needless to say, I love her.

The cons of Catwoman include, much like the case with Batman, the very things that make her attractive.  She is a contradiction.  She is complex.  Basically every con applied to Batman can be applied to her.  Creators portrayed her in such a way in order for the reader to assume a lifetime of abuse and with abuse comes issues.  Perhaps her biggest downfall for relationships is her inability to commit.  Whereas Batman feels the need for commitment (even if he fails at it miserably), Catwoman does not like to be held down or stagnant.  She has had many an opportunity to stay and settle with Batman, but her nature is that of a wild cat.  She will love you, but in the end, she needs to be free to roam.

So what about you!  What Superhero would you want to sleep with? Would you date any of them?Why or why not?!

I would like to share something that I saw today.  I was both shocked and humbled by it.  It had to do with what was written on the walls of the Girl's Bathroom at my school.

Now, I am sure we have all read our share of slander, banter and toilet humor (pun intended) on the walls of one bathroom stall or another.  I, myself, was the target of one particularly articulate and brilliant deduction written by some intelligent young lady.  She commented about my sister and I.  She sophisicatedly wrote, "Somma girls are sluts."  Fabulous.  This did not enrage me as much as it did my older sister, who marched down to the principle's office, guns blazing, demanding that it be removed immediately.  I took it in stride, because after all, there was much worse written about some of the other unfortunate girls in my class.

Other than needless slander, I have seen phone numbers, obscene illustrations and many a dirty limerick.  All make for decent reading for the 2 seconds it takes me to pee as fast as I can while concentrating on squatting and not making any contact with anything around me. 

I've also seen, what I think is the most ridiculous of this stall-based literature.  That is, the bathroom stall brawls.  These are when people leave comments like, "Mike was here."  Well, some brother bladder evacuator must have been enraged by this and wrote underneath, "Mike was here is gay."  To which Mike so eloquently replies, "Mike was here is gay.  You're gay!" And the discussion continues on this path until some third party porcelain peace-maker writes, "You are both gay."  To which they both join forces to combat the latest stall-writer, and all is right in the world once again. 

These are examples of the typical bathroom banter I have come to expect.  Which is why what I saw today really surprised me.

Going back to my school for my Masters, after already receiving my BA, I was very used to the drama that goes on on campus.  There are fights and feuds, shit talk and shenanigans.  Having experience dorm life, I know first hand that, girls especially, are brutal.  There is no lack of girl-on-girl hate.  Ask a girl about another girl, or just girls in general, and they will have nothing nice to say.  God forbid a girl is feeling vulnerable, or depressed.  The other girls smell weakness and attack.  No encouragement, no comfort.  Just aggression and cattiness.

But today, in the bottom floor bathroom of Manhattanville College in Purchase, NY I saw these:



After concentrating on my squatting and finishing evacuation, I went to grab my purse and stopped.  I looked around at these three phrases, written at separate times, by different people.  It made me smile.  I was fairly touched by the fact that in the Girl's Bathroom, written on the proverbial wall, wasn't hate or smut, it was kindness and encouragement.  It sent me the message that maybe we aren't always mean to each other.  We don't always have to cut each other down.  Sometimes, someone feels the need to remind someone else to hang in there and they aren't alone.

It also occurred to me that one person started this ball rolling.  I don't know which of these encouraging words was written first, but whoever wrote it started a chain reaction.  They opened the door for kindness and other girls followed suit.

Now maybe I am reading too much into this.  Maybe I was just looking for a little sunshine in my day.  A little much-needed hope.  But, you know what?  When you look for it, you find it in more places than you think.

Reader, I challenge you to go out and find small gestures of kindness.  Something that gives you hope.  Something that touches you just enough to bring that small smile to your face, and share it here!

Bonnie and Clyde Story:

Fallenstar82387/Clyde

                It was a sunny day in Rowena, Texas.  Nothing new was happening anywhere else, so I headed down to a friend’s house to spend the day.  I was barely there two seconds before I saw her, standing in the kitchen looking all demure and feminine with her cup of hot cocoa in hand.  With the yellow sunlight streaming in through the white curtained windows, My Bonnie, ie SexyGamerGirl, looked like an angel.

 

SexyGamerGirl/Bonnie

                It was a sunny day in Rowena, Texas. I was staying with a friend and had a hankering for some hot cocoa. My friend had disappeared to answer the front door while I poured myself a nice hot cup. I barely got one sip in before  she walked in. My Clyde, ie Fallenstar82387, was the epitome of a southern belle with a rebellious streak. I knew right then that I had to be with her until the day I die.

Fallenstar82387/Clyde

                After that day, me and Bonnie were inseparable.  We ran away together but couldn’t make ends meet.  We started taking jobs.  These were no ordinary jobs.  We were paid to travel the country hacking into Twitter accounts and sabotaging their networks.  We made money by destroying relationships, reputations and planting countless bogus updates.  All was going just fine.  We rounded up a posse and had a profitable internet crime spree going.

 

And then, it all caught up with the SexyGirl and me. 

Our posse was kidnapped by  the Twitter Tweeting Gang.  These were the most notorious of the Twitterers.  These fiends promoted Twitter shamelessly and had been raging a war against our employers, the Xanga community, for years.  Being fairly new Xangans, we got cocky.  We let our guard down and these low down dirty Tweeters kidnapped our gang.

 

SexyGamerGirl/Bonnie

                Without thinking we jumped head first into attempting to save our gang. I had long since stopped worrying about what may come, thanks to Clyde’s spontaneity.  Guns loaded and whiskey in our bellies, we shot down the Twitter Tweeting Gang’s door to their fancy mansion.

They were prepared but we opened fire early enough, our bullets splashing brains upon the expensive wallpaper.

 Our shots drew unneeded attention from the second and third floors. Bullets immediately began raining down upon us. Clyde shoved me under a nearby table, sliding underneath behind me. Gaurded, we took aim and fired, causing bodies to fall over the banister and crunching to the ground.

Finally a silence washed over us. No sound except  for our labored breathing. And then came the muffled yells. Practically falling over each other as we scrambled out from underneath the table, we followed the yells to a locked door. Clyde didn’t hesitate in shooting the lock. There was our gang, bound, gagged, and covered in grime.

 

Fallenstar82387/Clyde

                After kicking open the door to where our fellow Xangans were being held, I quickly scouted the room for any sneaky Tweeters that may have been hiding.  Not finding any cowards yet, I noticed only half of our gang was tied.  Bonnie, the bleeding heart that she is, began immediately untying the group and tended their wounds.  I can’t lie, they were beat up something awful.  Beaten to a bloody pulp, it was hard to tell who was who.  What we did figure out was that many of our colleagues were missing.  One of our favorite Xangans, ___________, was able to speak past the massive amounts of blood and gore in her mouth to tell us where the others were. 

We learned that the Twitter Tweeting Gang had demanded that our most talented and respected writers switch from Xanga to Twitter!  This couldn’t be true!  It made my stomach turn.  SexyGamerGirl and I shared a brief, pale look of understanding.  To have our Xanga accounts deleted was a fate worse than death.  To add insult to injury, to force these precious writers to go against the Xanga community, well that’s just unspeakable.   Those that would not comply with this demand, were beaten until they could no longer see or speak and were then bound and gagged.  Those that chose to accept, were kept in the next room.

In my fury, I kicked open a door that led to an adjuring room where the ex-Xangans, forced-tweeters were being forced to tweet.  Guns blazing, I left no one standing.  Our true-blue Xangans knew to hit the floor when they heard gunfire, the members of the Twitter Tweeting Gang weren’t so bright.  Slipping and sliding on the entrails and defecation of these dead Twitterers, our talented Xangans rushed out and rejoined the gang.

Needless to say, after all of this bloodshed and violence, though deserved, proved overwhelming.  SexyGamerGirl and I needed some time to be alone together and blog it out.  On our way home, we were ambushed.  We didn’t even know what hit us.  We rounded a corner, we thought we’d finished the Twitter Tweeting Gang once and for all.  We didn’t foresee that they had laid in wait for us the entire time.  Where we went in to save our colleagues, they had left there’s as bait. 

Coming around an ominous bush, we had time to hear some 30 guns cock.  Acting on instinct, we knew we were toast.  Having saved the most valued Xanga writers had been our noble quest.  Our mission accomplished, we shared another long look filled with love and drove headfirst into the array of gunfire.